A recap

It's been a while since I've blogged...and a close friend told me that I sound so unbelievably negative on my blog, it does not capture the 'real' me at all. So, I decided to read a few of my past entries and wow... all I can say is I sound like a pessimistic, negative, cynical, bitter bitter woman. But this is just one part of me. Yes, it is a part of me, and I do stand by my work. My friend Charleston put it well...

(after reading one of my poems)
*silence*
(a good minute later)
"I thought you'd write about pretty butterflies and rainbows"

Well said. I have many "dimensions " to me, if you will. The blogs I write about are usually the things that I wonder about- things that bother me- things that I haven't yet figured out. So, please don't assume that this is ONLY what I stand for- or this is the ONLY thing that's going on in my life. Do get to know me before you judge me, will ya! :)

Why am I single?

{transported from my other blog}

So people keep asking me why I am single.
#1 Being single is not a disease.
#2 Single does not equal lonely and sad.

There are a few morals and values that I will absolutely not compromise. I have an unsatisfying need to befriend myself with others whose standards are as high as my own. I know it seems negative, but is it possible to love and respect a spouse that harbors ideals that completely turn you off? Opinions are something you can compromise and learn to respect, but I am talking about the deeper, underlying motive and drive of the person. I work with fierce intensity toward my goal-however menial it may be and I have an imperative need for some connection or fusion with another which will prove sensually fulfilling, but which will not conflict with my convictions or sense of fitness. There aren't too many men who are for Womanism. Few understand the concept. Minority rights? Animal rights? Add to it a necessity for absolute and complete loyalty along with honesty, trust and unconditional love...well, you see my problem now, don't you?

Another reason being, I refuse to settle. Just because someone is good to you doesn't mean he is good for you. When I think about it, I've been proposed to too many times and I've always declined, mainly because deep down inside, I knew that that guy wasn't for me. Don't they say, "When you're in love, you'll know"...well, I don't even know what "love" is in that case. I've learned from the past relationships, so I am in no way saying that they were a waste of time, but I do know what I am looking for and what I don't want in a relationship. It may seem like I'm asking for the world and then some, but I don't ask for a thing I couldn't offer myself.

I have also learned to never keep my mouth shut when I'm being wronged. Too many guys aren't down with that. I don't take shit from anyone, my mother taught me well. I know how I should be treated and what I deserve. Unfortunately for me, that's not a good thing. But I manage to see past these obstacles. Life has far more to offer and there are still important things to be achieved-- life must be experienced to the fullest. I am aggressive in pursuing my objectives and I tend to become deeply involved with whatever I am working on. I need someone who will be there for me at the end of the day, but will let me 'fly' and do my own thing per se. I don't believe in the "better/other half" concept either. In my opinion, 2 grown, independent, WHOLE individuals should come together to compliment each other not complete each other. Just like they say "You have to learn to love yourself first, before anyone else can love you," shouldn't you already be mature, complete, happy and satisfied with yourself before you can make someone else happy?

Untitled

I have learned to eat with my mouth
but not be the voice of hope
I have learned to watch meaningless shows with my eyes
but not be the witness that bears a soul
I have learned to click the keys on my keyboard hour after hour
but not build for others- or for myself
I have learned to cuss up a storm and recite word for word
the songs that degrade young women and I have learned
to use my hands to shove food down my throat till my
gut begged me for mercy and I have learned to
waste away my life sitting on the couch
or masturbating to porn for countless hours

Wasting away my minutes, hours, days, years, life...

Then came the need
then came the need to be involved
to be involved in something greater than
myself- the need to be
so engrossed so lost so
deep that I forgot to feed my crying belly
to be in love, to love
to love what I am involved in
to love so much that it didn't matter anymore
that both my socks didn't match or
that I forgot that I had stuck 4 pencils in my unkempt hair
in my quest to find and contribute
i forgot that I was in public and that bad habit that I have-
of scratching my head when I'm concentrating- yeah, I was doing that again
to forget all that is around me and to forget
that it is cold and it is snowing and my
little fingers can no longer hold my pen
because they are numb and I hate the cold
I HATE the cold but it didn't matter because
I am involved and so is my body
because I am in love
because I have a cause
because I am a cause
because
I am.
- S.G

Impossible w‘Oman

She know what she want w‘Oman

A take no crap w‘Oman

The “I am not your mother, your sister, your babysitter” w‘Oman

A type that wants it all w‘Oman

Never be satisfied w‘Oman

stands up for what she believes in w‘Oman

give my heart, my soul, my body, my dome, my mind, my temple for my King w‘Oman

never comes second w‘Oman

The one that got away w‘Oman

The one that will never look back w‘Oman

The “damn she’d make a man happy” w‘oman

the “she gives her all …but damn it she expects the same thing back” w‘Oman

Will not settle for any lesser than I deserve w‘Oman

Queen w‘Oman

Beautiful w‘Oman

Passionate w‘Oman

Righteous w‘Oman

Lone. w‘Oman.

- c 2008 S. G.

Cheezit time!

"Dear Shirley:

Congratulations! You have been accepted to the Fall 2008 Nursing class..."


:-D
:-D
:-D

A cynical look at the aftermath

Has anyone else noticed how as the nature of ones relationship changes its course, the attitude of the person changes as well? I'm not talking about victimization in intimate relationships-I'm talking about a couple mutually agreeing and parting ways and in that quick second that the decision of separation is made final- everything changes. These changes are not partial to one side either. Majority of the times, both parties are guilty of similar actions. All of a sudden, the person that once captured your heart- the only person in this whole wide world that could make you laugh through the saddest of times- is out for blood. Ok, I'm exaggerating (well, sometimes this does hold true) but did you ever notice the change in an ex's demeanor toward you?

I do understand that with the change in the name of your relationship, it is no longer his/her job to do certain things- but ever notice how quickly one can stop caring about the person they were, at one point, the most intimate with? What does that say? Was everything just fake? Now that you're not gettin' any, you automatically no longer have to care? So does that mean... you only cared because you were gettin' some?

What is even more confusing is the subtle changes that can be noticed just in the way one talks or interacts with his/her ex significant other- sometimes the tolerance is lowered to that of dealing with a total stranger or an imbecile even sometimes. Or when there is blatant disregard of the other's feelings. All this tells me is that... a) either their love was conditional or b) involved people were deceitful in sharing their true personality...
Maybe I am being too naive or optimistic (imagine that!) in thinking that the feelings of the other person ought to be considered. The very least, it will show character!
Either ways the remedy may be quiet as simple or complex as a person wants it to be, no?

Re: Sudan

Just plain because they are women
they are left to die
they have no last names tying them
to Bor or Nuer

But are still left there...to die

So don't sit there
drinking your ice cold Budweiser
Tellin me "They are
ignorant and therefore die."

Because if that was the
case neither you
nor your mother should be
alive.


c 2008 S. G.

Broken Wings

I am a good idea

                       a good intention

I am todays trash
                       your yesterdays gold
Broken wings
                with pieces missing
-------------------------------------------------------

While you were busy
loving me
I was busy
hating me

-------------------------------------------------------

Yesterday

I cried and cried

        and I had no reason why
Then I realized

               it was your birthday

Education

I have been a witness (not a victim, mind you) to what happens when ones basic and primary rights are snatched away. I know how the story ends when you are born and bought up to believe that you are inferior; that just because you were born without a dick, your education, your happiness, your life and your needs come secondary to that of your brothers. As a minority I have witnessed racism (and everyone is so shy to give it a name in fear of being labeled “uppity.”) I have heard snickers of uncaused white boys in the back row of a class when a black female talked about her life experiences as a young lesbian. My self-education started only after I left a four year University that severely failed in providing me with a proper, unbiased education. I have wept after realizing the history of America that I read in my high school text books- was just a story; a fiction knitted by someone who deemed himself patriotic. Omission, twists of the truth and blatant lies guised as the legitimacy fabricates a story that teachers themselves swallow then feed the children the same bullshit they digested in their quest of being a good student. As a naïve, untainted teenager I thought “Education is a wonderful thing. Education will light up this world and bring forth liberty and justice for all.” Yes, It was the omission of education that kept and still keeps Black America down today. It is the lack of education that still keeps Jamaica predominantly homophobic today. It is the lack of education that still lets India sell her young into arranged marriages while the legal system looks the other way. Education: the fabric of our life.

As a child my mother always encouraged me to seek higher education so I could become rich and have my own money. Having my own money would mean security of life. She would reiterate that having money would give me financial freedom, which in turn would give me emotional freedom, which in turn would give me the freedom of choice. The freedom to leave (an unhappy home) when I want to, the freedom to live (a life I choose) the way I want to, the freedom to fuck (whoever my little heart desires) how I want to and the freedom (and power) to walk away. But is this where the role of education ends? People have stopped wanting to go to school for an education. Here is a generation that looks at education as a means to an end. Why is it that children of artists and song writers and rappers and athletes do not aggressively pursue an education that is as available to them as a prostitute available to a hundred dollar bill? (In many ways, education is a prostitute that only serves the rich) What about life lessons? What about being able to get away from the opinions and views of only your parents and venturing out to gain the opinions and life takes from other venues? MONEY has blind sighted us from the other benefits of an education. Unfortunately, we now stop pursuing an education once we are financially stable (or happy with where we are.) Growth must come from within and must be constant. The want and need for knowledge does not end with financial security. Every aspect of our life is influenced by education. Knowing and not knowing makes the difference
In life and death.
In war and peace.
In loving and hating.
In arrogance and ignorance.

Education: it is The fabric of our life.

By yours truly

This silly wifery
sittin' pretty with her canary
while her husbands out
continuing his fuckery.

----------------------------------------------------------

A Few Good Men
It isn't that
there aren't any good men remainin', darlin'
They are everywhere:
taking a walk in the park
shopping in the mall (yes, the same mall you buy your clothes from ,uh huh, believe that)
at church
in your
English Lit. class
at your local coffee shop

He may not wear
the finest clothes
or drive
the flashiest cars
He may not be able to turn your head
but he sho' gots your back

My problem, darlin'
is that there are WAAAYYYY too many good men
to pick only one from...

Ain't it funny

...how things work out? He sure does take good care of me! I have recently been in a 'funk' and this 'funk' has lasted all semester. I have managed to pull through though. Still maintaining my 4.0 - just not actually earning the 4.0. I'm just 'gettin by' by putting in enough to get a 90+ and not aiming for that 100. Anyhow, so this week was especially bad. I had a major Anatomy and Physiology exam and- I slacked. So much so that I didn't even bother listening to the lectures or reading the whole chapter. It ain't that hard to do- but alas, I didn't.

I went to school half trying to suppress the anxiety and trying my level best to not freak out last minute by telling myself "Let's just see how this goes..." (yea right!) My friend K calls me up and says "Hey Shirlz! Class is canceled!! Class is canceled!! Exam isn't until next Tuesday!!!!" (yes, K was so excited that all those exclamation points are necessary in capturing all that enthu :-P) I immediately did a tiny little victory dance in the library after which the Librarian told me to quiet down. I thanked God for yet another salvation and promised to stud stud study my butt off for this exam ;) so far, so good =D

I love you God!! =D *hugs n kisses*

Questions that fload around...

What makes a person stay in a relationship that is clearly not healthy? Yes, in some cases people don't really know any better (whether they were conditioned to think thats how a relationship should be... or be it they don't realize where their relationship is heading until it's too late.) But what about the relationships that are so far gone that it is apparent to everyone -including the 2 participating in the relationship?

Being a woman, and having several failed relationships myself, I know why a person would walk away. A few of my girlfriends were in relationships that were abusive- emotionally and mentally. Going into specifics, I have 2 girlfriends who, when I was going through my bad relationship with (lets call him T), went through their own bad relationships. We shared our joys, our tears, and our laughters. We cried, consoled and helped each other through the trying times. The only difference was that I walked away from my bad relationship (and stayed away) and they broke-up and then made-up within a weeks span. They chose to stay. Agreed, each relationship is different. Agreed, I didn't "love" T but at the time thought I did love him. However, the things all of us went through were so painfully similar, it was what actually bonded us together.

I often wonder why these girls stayed in their relationships. When I asked them I got matter-of-fact responses- "I love him that's why." "Sometimes you have to work things out." "We've been so long together, it was only natural." Sometimes I wonder if these girls had actually given themselves enough time to get over these guys would they have actually moved on? Would they be happier?

Maybe I just need to let go of grudges, but after seeing the good, the bad and the ugly, (and the ugly triumphed over the good... trust) I had to leave. One is married now, the other still in a tumultuous relationship and I'm still single. Is my tolerance just that low? Am I going to be that person who refuses to take anyones crap therefore end up being the crazy old cat lady? Or is it that some people need that constant comfort of companionship? Or maybe the luxury of combined income? When they look back at their relationships, do they remember the bad parts? Do the bad streaks still come up between them? Or do they only remember the good parts? Does one hold that grudge of the bitter past? Does one forgive and forget? I wonder if either party thinks they could've done better. Are there any regrets?

Or maybe people are so used to lying to themselves, they've started believing their own lies.

Is it that the older one gets, the less likely it is that they will leave their spouse? If so, is it just because they are scared they won't find someone else? What is so scary about being single? Other than the extra support and the cushion for ones fall, why is a significant other so important?Yes, it is nice to come home to someone...to know that someone loves you unconditionally (even if you're lying to yourself... ) Yes it is nice to know theres a warm body who'll keep you warm through those cold nights. But since when did the niceties become such a great big priority? TV ads, movies, cards, the holidays- everything places such importance on relationships it is almost a taboo if you don't have a significant other. What is one to do during the holidays without someone to call his/her own :( oh why oh why! The tragedy!

Anyhow, getting back to the point- doesn't dealing with the source of the stress make more sense than dealing with the anxiety on a day-to-day basis? What's the point of having a stressful relationship that seems to bleed into the rest of your life? What's the point of continuing to subject yourself to harm - to emotional rape- just so you have that comfort of ...oh wait- there is nothing comforting about such relationships. I promise, living a stress-free-single-life is not that bad. Promise.

In good faith...

This kind of ties in with my previous post -just on a larger scale.

If you haven't watched "The Bandit Queen" (a true story, that was banned in India for a long time...) I highly recommend you rent/netflix it! It made me realize how lucky and fortunate I am to be born into my family- to be given the basic right to life. What happened to Phoolan Devi (translates to The Bandit Queen) was unjust - and no one intervened. It got me thinking: As fellow human beings, where do our obligations start and where do they end? Should a whole village be punished for standing idly by as they watch about 7 men gang up and brutally beat a woman (i.e. should they be considered as accessory to the crime)? Or have all the men from the village gang-rape her over and over for three days consecutively? Or stand by idly (yet again) as the village bully stripped her naked in front of the whole village following the gang rape- men, women and children included- and I repeat- and no one intervened. (I really don't want to give away anything about the movie because I'd rather have you watch it- but the woman kicks some serious ass. She isn't a criminal nor a victim. She's a hero.) Mind you this isn't a hoorah G.I.Jane chick-flick or a feel good womens empowerment movie. It is a true story with a real time-line and real dialogs.

Now, this isn't culture...it was tradition. I get two extreme reactions when I talk about this story: one that of apathy stating it's just the culture (and when corrected, they change it to "well that's just tradition...") and one that seems harsh and judgmental, almost ethnocentric to a point. However the two extremes seem so evasive. Why is it so hard to balance a middle-ground? Where do human morals come in? In our all tolerating world, when is it time to intervene? Is it when someone is regarded as a lesser mortal? When you the observer- thinks the line has been crossed? Conscience is something so flexible and can always be ignored, as we all know. When does one sit on their high horse and judge and when is it time to jump off that high horse and relate?

If an observer is doing just that- observing, s/he is not given the chance to experience the aggregate emotional and mental state of given subject and every encounter is perceived as a third-party opinion. However, if one participates in any assessment of 'natural assessment,' s/he would only get one side of the experience. Unless you're John Howard Griffin. (Read: Black Like Me.... amazing book!! ...he had the advantage to experience both sides- he is white and he experimented with what it was like to be a Black southerner in the 1950s.)

Now this doesn't only happen in countries like India, Africa etc. (May I remind you: Slavery in the Americas, in Jamaica, in Guyana- the history of the Human race [thanks Brits {yes I'm still bitter about that...rightfully so} ] - that story that everyone wants to shove under the rug lest they be judged just as harshly- they ALL have stories just as brutal) It happens every day in every town. Maybe not on such a grander scale and for sure not so openly and so brutally- but how many times have you seen a prick go off on a poor cashier who has no control over the laws or rules and regulations of the store- and as customers, we idly stood by (knowing all well if possible, the cashier most probably has a sarcastic retort that would make the old geezer shut the hell up- but keeps such comments to her/himself in fear of being fired)

Should corporate companies be blamed for spoiling us as customers that we see it fit to dehumanize the people on the other side of the counter? The false promises of such corporates conditions us to expect SO much in every single visit that we, as customers, cannot fathom human errors nor accept any delays. Since when did we all get so scared to put someone in their place especially when it is duly called for? Everyone is so afraid of doing/saying the right thing in good faith because "It's not our business..."I know "Judge not lest ye be judged" ... but also think The Good Samaritan ;) There is absolutely nothing wrong with helping out a poor soul even if it is by mere words .... So next time, please speak up!


(P.S. I know this post doesn't really have any structure and was kinda all over the place...I had so many side comments and topics to discuss I didn't feel like filtering it and narrowing it down to a simple argument because fact is, there ARE other factors that come into play.... the post went from serious brutalities that needed to be addressed to the mundane and sundry that happen in everyday life- both facts of life- both that needed to be questioned)

The Epidemic of Allergies.

Apparently theres an epidemic of pretty, but unhygienic girls going around. Everywhere I go, there are 15-25-ish year olds that use the bathroom, come out and look in the mirror, assure themselves that they look presentable by their standards, and walk out of the restroom. No, they don't wash their hands. Yes, it has happened on more than one occasion. I more often see girls walk right out the restroom than girls who do thoroughly wash their hands. I also see girls who only let the water touch the tips of their index finger and thumb, seemingly frightened of the water that is flowing out of the sink. No soap used, no need to dry their hands either.

Moms and Dads... please make sure your teenage daughter isn't a dirty skank. I mean, I'd understand if a girl just doesn't care; at least that's consistent. These girls, I'm sure, have got to wake up at least an hour early before they start their day to get themselves together because their hair, their nails, their outfits are all so meticulously planned- but alas, the concept of basic hygiene has yet to be introduced to them.

Or maybe they're allergic to water....

Tagged

"Once you have been tagged you have to write a blog with 10 weird, random things, facts, habits, or goals about yourself. At the end choose 3 to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. Don't forget to leave them a comment (tag, you're it) and to read your blog. You can't tag the person who tagged you. Since you can't tag me back, let me know when you've posted your blog so I can see your answers..."

So, I've been tagged (Thanks Jesse) and here I am.

1) My biggest pet peeve is ignorance and the convenient disregard of ones conscious. Nothing else irks me more than someone who deliberately lies to him/herself and then keeps on moving instead of taking a minute to think about his/her actions. It's almost like they know they are wrong, but fear admitting it even to themselves. It's just a slippery slope from there...

2) I go through phases that lasts for months, sometimes years, and a part of each phase always stays with me forever. I was in a health conscious/gym phase, a hippy phase, a disciplinary phase (this was WAY before I even joined the military), a girly phase, a tomboy phase, currently in my nerdy phase ... the list goes on... If you see my picture at any one of these phases, they all look like different people. This revelation was brought about by The Temple of my Familiar which is now one of my favorite books for that reason. Absolutely LOVE it love it love it! =)

3) I am trying to wean off my coffee addiction by switching to grape juice. I weaned myself off of coke (the cola) by switching to coffee. I may be on to something here. Now maybe, just maybe, if I can wean myself toward something productive...

4) Guys need not worry about me leading them on. If I don't reciprocate the same feelings (be it romantic or platonic) it IS known.

5) I like weird animals like ferrets, meercats, flying squirrels etc. If I could, I would own a little island and live in it with all these beautiful creatures in all their cuteness.

6) I constantly analyze and worry about things. I also bounce ideas back and forth to (And I say this in fear of being labeled a NUT :-D hah) myself. I once I decided to record my thoughts in a span of 15 minutes (I was driving) and my thoughts ranged from billboards to karma to life to my brother to competitiveness versus road rage and driving to ethnocentrism... etc etc etc (you get the gist)

7) Sometimes I wish I could fast forward to the future so I didn't have to deal with the petty issues of actually going through everything necessary to get to that future.

8) I refuse to assimilate to any one specific culture.

9) I would be Lilo and Stitch from Lilo and Stitch the movie.

10) I make weird noises/sounds and weird dance movement-ish for no apparent reason and a moment later have no recollection of making such noises or any such movements.

Tag:
Sir John (yes, YOU sir, YOU.) Why? Because I can!
I would tag Sir KongFuzi. Why? Because ...I can... BUT I know he wouldn't indulge in such petty tags ;) SO, I tag
Madame Natasha. Because I love her so ;)
And I tag
Zi. Because I know she's looking for something to help her slack. ;) hehe (great minds)

I think I can...I think I will!

I have been having a hell of a time trying to get things done. I have a long list of chores and to-dos and all, bar a few household errands, have a deadline. Does that motivate me? Noooo Does someone need a kick in their ass? Yesss.
I chalk this up to the weather. Yes, I said it. The weather. I hate the winter and the dreariness it brings. It makes me want to curl up in bed preferably with some hot chocolate (with whipped cream and marshmallows on top) watch a nice movie, and have the heat up on high. Who wants to run around getting things done while its wet and everything seems to drag? But since it is winter and I am just that lazy, I end up passing up the hot chocolate in all its goodness and just watching a movie whilst I lay under my warm comforter. At least I'm not putting on *more* weight on my lard ass. My poor lil knees are already begging for mercy.
So today, finally it was nice and sunny (not warm... the sun was out... but its snowing - gah!) and I got most of my to-dos done! (welll at least the ones I had set as a goal for today) The only one thing that didn't get done was talk to Dr. Atsu-Swansy, my crazy Ghanaian professor who is guiding me through my AfricAid project - he left for the day even though his office hours were still supposedly in session. grr.

Anyhow, I do feel a tiny bit accomplished. I'd feel a lot more accomplished if I started off on my applications to certain schools. So off I go! Toodles!

Geekdom in all it's glory! :)

I absolutely love most of my classes this semester :) Even though I don't feel like these are challenging me enough to think and be pro-active like Chemistry did, it is a different kind of challenge. I do miss Chemistry terribly and I can't wait till the Fall semester to take a higher level just for fun :-D

Psychology- I love reading and talking about life and how people act the way they do (in certain situations) and why. Dissecting the ever so complex human mind is exhilarating!My professors knowledge on this subject is extensive! Sure he has his doctorate in Psychology and has been practicing for about 25 years now :-P ... but the stories are always so interesting and it gives me something to analyze and shred apart anxiously waiting to see whats underneath yet another layer of a beautiful (and sometimes deviant) mind! :-D

Sociology- I think ties into Psych. It takes it to a larger scheme and you get to dissect why certain societies follow certain rituals. One thing that did upset me is the outdatedness of the book. It talked about how fat women were perceived to be attractive and beautiful in the Nigerian society. This is not true!! It depicted a few societies as though they still lived in trees and traveled on camel backs...phulease! Give me a break!! Thank God for our prof. though- he is a very intelligent human being with a kind heart and an open mind. We constantly bounce ideas back and forth about what could have brought about certain changes in different societies.

English- Our English class is supposed to be the P.I.A. class, focusing on research and research alone. I have met so many students who HATED this class because their professors made it hell for them. I have been blessed with the best professor (okay, second best- the first one was defi. Mrs. Nickie Isaacson. :-D) who genuinely wants her students to succeed.

Anatomy and Physiology- So rad to learn about your body and all the cool stuff in it! I can't wait to go to the Body Museum in New York with W. I hope he can make it! =) Dr. Jaloway makes it SO easy to learn this stuff!!

I cannot wait until I get to take Pharmacology! :-D *squeals in excitement*

Did I mention I LOVE *most* of my professors?!

History- I plead the 5th. (Hey... I did say I love MOST of my classes and professors- not ALL. I'm allowed ;) heh)

It all aches...

At the tender age of 27, my bones have been giving out on me. Yes. Giving out on me. I have been so unhealthy and its finally taking a toll on me, all at once. So I'm going to take this as a warning and start making a few minor adjustments that will (hopefully) lead to a few major changes.


I crave sleep now. So I sleep. Will update later. =)

Toodles!

Face Off

31 days off :) First day of classes.


I walts into the bathroom. As I begin to raise my head to look up- hmm this looks a little different. Head completely raised I walk into the bathroom and realize- urinals. Asian guy, black jacket, blue jeans, black framed glasses cranes his neck to look who entered the bathroom. I barely mumble "opps heh. heh. sorry"

FACE RED.

I run out.

Bump into dude number two walking into the bathroom, already starting to unzip.


FACE PURPLE.


oh...and did I mention I went to my 3rd class of the day and walks in dude #2?

Giving it up

My girl T and I were having a conversation about how our once tight knit group has dissolved into a vague reminiscence of drunken nights and clammy mornings. While some friends followed their career tangents, some just simply disappeared because they now have a significant other in their lives.
Now, I am just as guilty as them -I am by no means rebuking them of their choice. However, it brings me to question- at what point does one lose their own sense of identity in order to be a part of a relationship? More importantly, why does one lose their sense of identity? It seems like being a part of a (great or ..usually...otherwise) relationship mean that you have to lose yourself, your interests, your being.
Again, I have done this myself, but in the long run it didn't work out. In fact, it made me despise him for slowly stripping me of my own. I grasp the concept of a relationship and I also understand that when you love someone- however provisional or absolute it may be- you want to spend as much time with your significant other. However, where is the balance of keeping your life- your individuality- your persona and still interconnect with your 'main squeeze'? Would you consider giving up things you once loved- the things you chose to do- as a price you have to pay in order to be in a relationship?
Part of me strongly believes that giving up your identity and your interests- giving up a part of YOU- helps a relationship deteriorate quicker than its time. Sure, there are strong urges of spending as much time as you can with your 'sweetie' and all of a sudden the temptaion of creating drunken havoc isn't as enticing as it once used to be. But, it inevitably is like being a kid in a candy shop. You want ALL you can- until you get what you asked for. And then you get sick. And you can't stand the sight of what you once thought you could never have enough of. Thats when the sweetest thing becomes sour. When the cutest gestures become irritating. When cuddly becomes clingy and loving becomes loathsome.
My personal stance- in a good relationship neither you nor your significant other would have to sacrifice yourself, but you would enhance each other in every way possible. I wouldn't have to "give up" friends or nights out with loved ones to a point where people think I've fallen off the planet. And I wouldn't have to "reconnect" with all my friends simply because I now have someone in my life. There is a difference between 'putting her/him first' and having a choice that only encompasses him/her.
I realize that when you love a person or when you accept a person into your life, you're not just accepting that person- you're accepting a whole another lifestyle. You fell for this person when s/he went out 6 nights a week or played basketball 7 days a week or played poker 5 days a month- you fell for this person when s/he had other agendas than to please you. So why try to change it? Now, I know they aren't the best example but in a way I guess Janet and JD are leading an exemplary relationship- JD went to strip clubs before he met Janet...and he still does. I guess when BOTH parties know the line- and don't cross it, you can maintain your identity and still remain the person s/he once fell in love with. And that inturn helps continue to WOW the other person everyday even 15 years down the line. ...any takes?

HAPPY NEW YEAR:)

The first post for the New Year calls for some original works of yours truly :-D (they're all copyrighted.. so don't be trynna steal nothin LOL)

Incandescence

Her beautiful hips be swaying as she walks down
that dirt road with baby on her back
Pot o’ water sitting jus right, embracing her curves
Walking those 4 miles, glistening with sweat
No woman looking so stimulating as she slowly wipes
the sweat off the sensual nape of her neck down to her chest

Babies eyes wandering watering the heats burning up
his skin dry, feet rough, hair nappy it ain't even begun
his life into slavery- big he shall become
She know she ain't never gon’ see him once he gone
Born as property, he shall open clenched fists from around his arms
He shall dare think he shall dare learn he shall dare hope he shall dare win.

Unknown to her though, she rises above this with soul that
runs through her veins, her blood, sweat and tears
Each heart beat sending more of that
SWAAAGG through her body
Giving her that curve, that arch, that supple but ripe tone
That distinguishes her that establishes her that elevates her

Earth tone she been earth loved she an earth child
Sun harsh on babies black face black thighs black tries
Honey molasses kisses she can conquer what never was
She ain’t never give up she ain't never break down
Quiet servant woman with the grace of a queen
You see, she is a queen- dignified, exemplified, GLORIFIED.

1/20/07
(c) S. G.

Subsistence of a woman

Dynamic
Out shining me,
you have no place in
This mans world
Loving so truly
Making me feel impotent
My emotions so dull
My love counterfeit

Radiant
Cover yourself up
Behind caked up makeup, silicone
Size 2, poison in your body
You-Too black, too big, too loud
Me the way I am- convenience
I rule this world
And you have work to do.

Intense
Resurrection of perception
picture perfect shell
Seductively submissive
Unseen Underneath
What lies beneath
mother, lover, friend?
No. WOMAN.

1/20/07
(c) S. G.