Sunday, October 10, 2010

30 things to do before I turne 30 revisited

I updated my 30 things to do before I turn 30 and you can see what I did accomplish and what I did not. A few things on there are kind of an ongoing process so I marked them as "undone" but it doesn't mean I've given up/I am not constantly working on them. But here is the update :)

Things I want to accomplish by July 2011:
1) Prep for grad/doctorate school.
2) Stay focused on why I do what I do.
3) Take that finance class work is offering for free!--- DONE! =D
*will keep adding and italicize as I need/accomplish

Saturday, October 9, 2010

So whats your stance?

I have never been someone to give into peer pressure- this is true with sex, booze, cigs- whatever. I do things on my own time. When I am ready. This has allowed me to form my own ideas, opinions and values without anyone else tainting it with their beliefs. Before I come to a conclusion on where I stand on a topic, I think about it in my own time. I don't just go online/listen to someone else babble on about the topic or read a few articles and then engage in verbal spewage of exactly what I read/heard. Some say I'm headstrong, I prefer the term philosophical/unorthodox :-P But here are a few of my very own conclusions...

1) My stance on The Bible: I am an unconventional Christian. In that, even though I go to church most Sundays, I am not a firm believer that everything in The Bible is set in stone. The way I see it, there are MILLIONS of versions of The *true* Holy Bible out there. There are so many different translations of The Holy Bible, that I'm not sure what is real. With so many different interpretations of it, I feel like the true meaning, the true essence of The Book has vanished into thin air. I feel like some people might have purposely interpreted things to justify their feelings/ justify their prejudices/ justify their means. Everything is so twisted and turned to fit what the majority "feels" is right- it all turns into "Oh But the Bible says..."

I know in my heart what God would want me to do, and I do so accordingly. Now, I'm not saying I'm holier than thou and that I ALWAYS do the right thing. I am human, I get tempted, I make mistakes and sometimes I do it over and over again (example, I'm no virgin, nor am I celibate.) However, I also know when I am truly hurting someone and when I need to stop. For example, my stance on Homosexuality and their marriages. If 2 people love each other- I am NO ONE to judge. Heck, some homosexual relationships are more genuine than hetrosexual marriages. (AND if you are one of the die-hard Bible rule-followers, I better not see "divorce," girlfriend/boyfriend, non-virginity in your past either. Practice before you preach, my brotha/sista.) If these two WILLING people want to partake in the heterosexuals sorrows (LOL) I am no one to stop them. This whole "Oh the Bible says..." thing is a crock of you-know-what to me. Even IF the bible DID say that such a thing is "Wrong" THEN ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE. What was that lil thing in the Bible I once heard..." Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.." YEAH.

My M read this para and we had a discussion about it, and while we both are of very different views, we have learned to accept our differences, agreed to disagree and have moved on. This doesn't mean we don't revisit the topic every now and then, but in that discussion, I said something that I feel I need to say on here as well- For people who think this is "blasphemy," I'm not writing this for shock-value. I'm not saying that The Bible isn't God's Word- I'm saying is, with all the translations...well, the True Bible- the true Word, has been lost in translation. I do not believe that God would refuse me Heaven because I said what I said; because as long as I live the life that I feel God wants me to live (to me, He talks to me through my conscience- I have a clear vision of right and wrong .... truly what is right and wrong...I'm not someone who ignores my conscience for convenience and I know when I did/do something wrong- eg. live-in-boyfriend- I know it's wrong and I won't deny it. But I won't point fingers at OTHER people doing wrong, knowing darn well I do the same thing {be it they do it with the same/opposite sex or not} either.) I feel that if one truly, logically and spiritually (and that is key) comes to a conclusion of what is right and what is wrong and does others no harm, God will not deny you as His child. Being honest with yourself goes a long way, I have realized. Again, if you are doing something like, living together before marriage- you are going against what the Bible says as well!! If you aren't a virgin when you get married, you're going against what the Bible says as well!! So how can you say "oh its OKAY for ME to go against the Bible, but its not okay for them?" Now, not only are you *insert sin here* but you're also a hypocrite.

2)My stance on non-human Life and animal rights: I consider the value of life. I don't see if it is a cat or a dog or a human. I feel like every living creature has his/her/its personality and what we do affects and effects everything around us. People always kill me with this whole "Well, s/he shouldn't really have to be punished so severely ...s/he is a human and that was a dog/cat/animal." Yeah, that's what slaveowners used to say back in the day about their slaves too. Lets legalize that too now.

Now one could argue- "Hey, Goldensoul, if you do value non-human life just as much as the human life, you shouldn't be eating any meat, wear any leather or in that case- even eat any plants- so in essence, we all should cease to exist!" And to that I say, I never said we all need to die. Just like in nature, I feel if it is for survival, then so be it. Meaning, hunting for the purpose of eating- okay. But hunting for the purpose of sport- I hope you get shot in the ass by another idiot just like you. I was vegan for a whole year before I got sick because I went cold turkey (hahha! no pun intended.) I am trying to keep things as organic as my wallet lets me and once my wallet is ready (which, it is very close to being so!) I am switching to all organic/farm raised meat. I think slaughter houses should be shut down. I think farmers should be put in the forefront of the industry. But that just a tree huggin hippy talking. So while I'm wishing, I wish for 400 zillion dollars as well. (Hey, nothing wrong with dreaming big LOL) I think any industry exploiting any life should be shut down (ahh the optimist/idealist in me.)

3) My Values best described: I am a gangster-hippie, minus the weed, add the values. I am loyal- fiercely loyal. I won't mind taking a punch for someone I know that has my back and I don't mind throwing one out for said person either. However, I am all for peace, love and happy-ness. I think if humans just learned to live and let live without judging, medling in other peoples business and worked on our own flaws and faults instead of spending SO much time trying to find it in others, the world would be a much happier place.

4) My thoughts on humans: I also think if humans would stop screwing up this planet, abusing and raping all our resources, we wouldn't suffer from so many ailments as we do today. "But Goldensoul, what about cancer research? Don't you WANT a cure??" Yes, (and this ties into my stance on non-human rights I talked about in point number 2) the first thing I'd have done IS SHUT THE TOBACCO INDUSTRY DOWN BEFORE IT EVEN STARTED. Shut down companies that sell products that screw up our bodies (*cough* McDonalds *cough*). That screw up our brains (*cough* Philip Morris *cough*). Then see how many "natural" ailments you actually have versus the NUMEROUS MAN MADE AILMENTS WE ALL SUFFER FROM. I do realize that this is all idealistic and the economy dictates a lot, my point here is: put things in perspective. So, because we are greedy and want more money, we screw ourselves up- and then exploit innocent animals to find cure to said self-screwing.. INCREDIBLE.
And btw, research can be done humanely. Torturing animals or purposely giving animals ailments so you can hopefully find a cure is horrid. A class in history, with emphasis on Hitlers experiements, might be essential. So to all the people who sleep a lil better at night thinking "at least its not on humans," Remember that animals can feel pain the same as humans- we just don't speak the same language. Their cries are that of pain. The same type of pain humans cried when they were being experiemented on. Organic life may be a little harder, but why the heck have we become so selfish?! To save on time? save on money? EARN money? And then what?! >(

5) My stance on prejudice and stereotypes: We all generally know racisim/sexsim etc. is wrong (well, one would think.) We all know certain words and stereotypes are not funny/cool/harmless (again, one would think.) However, if you're promoting it within your own race/sex- don't be so surprised/upset when a person from another race/sex comes at you the way you come at "your own." Eg. any racial slur that is now used within that own race as a term of acceptance. If you get offended when an "outsider" uses it- be offended when an insider uses it as well. Because when you call a person that- weather you are trying to use it as an endearing term or not- YOU are saying it is OKAY for others to call you that. I get that you are saying "I'm going to make this word powerless by using it as an endearing term." But it could also be argued that well, if it is powerless to you now, it should be powerless when a non-*insert relevant race here* uses it as well. If not, the power is still there. The history is still tied with this word. The pain is still intertwined in the word- and it is not okay for anyone to use these words. (The same goes with women calling their friends "bitches, sluts, ho's" etc-) Let someone call me a bitch (jokingly) and watch how fast you get knocked out. (This is where the "gangsta" part kicks in and "hippie" part takes a vacation LOL.) Now if I really am being one- then that's another story- calling me out on the truth is different from trying to lable my gender as that.

That's all for now... if you want to know what my stance is on something not mentioned here, just ask :)

Just an update: My stance on a lot (esp The Bible has changed a lot since I first wrote when you're reading this, remember you're reading only a page from the book of my  life. Depending on where you start and where you stop reading... will give you a very different perspective of who I am.)

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Life is such...

Has anyone seen The Forbes Most Powerful Women? I think "Lady" Gaga rating in the top 10 is UTTER CRAP. Forbes says they had groups (categories) and then ranked group against group. Still UTTER CRAP. I mean, in that case, Jay-Z, Steven Tyler and the likes should have been rated among the top 10 most powerful men. If you're gonna compare "who has most balls" (well they called it audacity) then Chuck Norris should be NO. 2. Right after Pres. Obama. Were they? Nope. All this says, is that even today mainstream media takes women + power lightly. So apparently it is "A-Ok" to treat this article with such little regard and importance that "Lady" Gaga is "more powerful" than Pelosi. OR what they are truly saying is that there "just aren't enough powerful women out there to be able to come up with a DECENT top 10 so lets just get all b.s. people up in here.Yeah! Let's!" >(


I've been battling my previous state and my new state for my license to practice for the past... 3 months now. I finally got things squared away enough where I can actually be around patients finally. What. A. Relief. I have been going out my mind, picking fights about silly lil things with the beau and suffering from insomnia due to lack of intellectual stimulation for the past 3 months. Finally, I start Monday =)


On a completely different note- I miss giggling like a lil kid and having to pinch my nose 'cause I can't stop laughing and I shouldn't be making any noise... did you guys do that when you were younger? Parents would tell you to shut up and some made a face and all the kids in the backseat would start giggling; pinching noses so as to not let out a giggle and get in trouble all over again- Yeah I miss that.


Monday, October 4, 2010

Fitness n such

For the past 2 years my life was consumed with school as first priority and so the fitness route took a back seat. Way back seat. So, almost 2.5 yrs later, I'm amazed that a) I've let it go for so long- even after graduation, pinning, getting a job, moving- I never picked it back up b) I didn't realize how out of shape I have become. I mean I can hardly walk up one flight of stairs while talking and not go into a wheezing frenzy.
So, I joined the gym and I've vowed to do better. I even started a *secret*(well I'm not so sure about the sercrecy being that it IS a public blog --but I digress) blog that'll help me track my goals, successes and failures. I may eventually link the two blogs, but for now, I want to see if this will be beneficial or detrimental to my goal... so wish me luck, cross your fingers , cross your toes and wish upon a star! =D

Wednesday, August 4, 2010


I don't fit in
this world
Quilt me a quilt
to hide me
and All the
lonely people in
this world
that don't fit
in either...
(c) S.G.

I found this poem scribbled along next to the 2 poems I wrote in 2008 It looks like my writing... it seems so..alien though... so I hope I wasn't jotting down a famous poet haha! I tried to google to no here it is! :)

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


So, I've been away, accomplishing various things for the past few months (okay, so may be I was away for more than just a "few" months, but I'm here now :-P) and I honestly thought those accomplishments were helping me move forward. I was right- in a way. I am now a professional with real things to lose. I mean I did have things to lose back then- in terms of family and friends, however, I knew that my family and friends would never forsake me and accept me for who I am. Before, my fears consisted of never succeeding/failing, never moving forward with my life, never attaining those 'milestones' that seem to come to 'normal' humans so easily (for me, each of them was a struggle!) Now, however, I fear losing- my license to practice, my job, my future, my life... I thought I was getting a grip of being me and just as I was, just knowing that I have things to lose makes me just that much more scared. And I hate living in fear- you know? I mean who wants to constantly live in fear?! Paranoia gets the best of me you see. I have no reason to fear any of those because I am meticulous and good at what I do (not to toot my own horn :-P) and I know my future and my life are in MY own hands and no one elses. However, how does one knock off that annoying, nagging lil voice that pops up in your head every now and then?
Anyhow, so I've promised myself to be more supportive of myself and stop beating myself up if I am not the first one to 'call' a rare disease when I see something on TV/movie. Although, the feeling is SOOOOO cool when you know something that takes others a few minutes to figure out :-P
On a completely different note, now that I have a taste of having something real to lose, I have to question- is it truly better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? I mean I'm thinking about this and... ok, if you're talking about a break-up of some sorts (be it because of cheating, lying, breaking hearts etc etc) I can understand- but what about loving someone... loving them so much that you cannot bare to think about life without them, spending your entire life together, growing together, changing together, growing old together, knowing each other to the core- and then that person dies before you get a chance to croak- I am not sure if my heart could handle that. I mean I'd be depressed every. day. How can one move forward from there? How can you not breakdown and just...give up??

Now this is only from a taste of finding out about how it feels like- I cannot imagine spending an entire lifetime with that someone and then all of a sudden, one day- they are gone. This is only from experiencing a tid-bit of it and not being able to even think of life without them- I was watching UP (yes, the cartoon, shut up) and to see that old man lose his love- it was heartbreaking! So that makes me question- all that pain.. all that anguish that love brings... is it worth it?? (haha, no no there's no way I will relinquish my love and walk away, I'm just pondering....)

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Thank You

I have to say I have to be the luckiest woman alive. With all the blessings that have been showered upon me by The Big Man Upstairs, I know that I just have to be! I just finished Nursing school and after two long years of torture, I have met many beautiful people. It still feels very surreal and I'm not used to this "time-to-myself" thing and was going stir crazy in the house. Anyhow, I have an agenda for this particular blog and a message to a few people:

Sara: I love you so much, monkeytoes! I really do. You have supported me and without your support (emotional and financial alike ;-D) I wouldn't have been able to even apply to nursing school, forget actually finishing and becoming a full-fledged R.N =D You've constantly put me and my needs before yours and bit your tongue (okay, not ALWAYS hahah but I am sure I needed to hear what you said the times you didn't.) You know that song from Michael Franti you love "My mama told me don't lose you...cuz the best luck I've had is you!" is SO true! It had to be a heck of a luck and blessing to have you as an older sister! Ma is so proud of you!

Patrick: Thank you for all your support as well. Again, without you, I wouldn't be able to finish. You know what you've done for me and I will never forget it either (even if you don't think I know the extent of what you've done, know that somehow, I do.) You are the best brother one could ever ask for. Even if you think my graduation dress is horrid =D I still love you!

Jerry: I'm sure I have put your patience to a test and you've passed with flying colors! haha But babe, thank you for everything! Thank you for waiting patiently night after night while I did my work and THEN talked to you on the phone. Thank you for understanding and loving me unconditionally! Thank you for listening to me explain my lectures to you- I could barely sit through them and I had to, but you didn't have to. Yet you helped! And Thank you for all the help in psych!! You have done so much for my spirituality and my soul...It would have been such a struggle without you reminding me about what's important!

Rezeda: My hunnibunnie... Where do I start? I have learned so much from you. I love how we can make faces at each other through class (if I did that to anyone else, they might've thought I'm a lil retarded LOL) I have enjoyed your company every day. I am so grateful to have you in my life- and it was a blessing to be in every clinical rotation with you. I will miss all the projects we did together... "Let's look for a squeezed heart!!" ... "YELLOW!!!"....not to mention all the infamous 'falls' you have witnessed me take! hahah I have had SO much fun with you and without you nursing school would just plain SUCK! Don't ever change my curious cat =D

Olga: My dear superwoman! You amaze me-you know that? Did I ever tell you? You are an amazing woman. I cannot imagine doing what you've done. You are one hell of a strong woman!Combine with that your wit, your intelligence and your awesome straight up attitude- what more could I ask for in a friend?! I hope one day I'll be just like you ;) I really do admire you. Finally, love, all your hard work has paid off and you deserve every good thing your heart ever desires!

Jane: Can I tell you what an impact you have had in my life?? I only got closer to you this year really, but wow, what a year!! =) Thank you for accepting me with open arms and opening your home to us as well. We've already talked about what you mean to me and what I have learned from you and how much I adore your family...Jane, you will forever be stuck in my heart ;) (does the image of you being in a jail-type-room in a big red heart come to mind? LOL) But in all seriousness, with this chapter of our lives coming to an end, I look forward to a journey with you- where ever it may lead us- I know you'll always have a special place in my heart. I love you!

I know no matter what, we are all in each others lives forever. I love you guys and I am looking forward to another exciting chapter of my life!! You guys mean the world to me. I just hope that you all know that :) MWAAHHH everyone!