Marriage

In Bride and Prejudice, the main character ‘Lalita’ (a traditional Indian girl who loves her country and culture) defends the concept of arranged marriage by pointing out that the divorce rate in the western culture is twice as bad. Since then I have heard the same “justification” for the same concept used as a rebuttal. Rethinking this, however, no one questions the measure of happiness in these kept marriages versus the measure of happiness in the broken marriage of the west. Having lived in a culture where arranged marriages prevailed, I have yet to see a truly happy marriage. Living in a culture where utopia is sought I have yet to see a truly happy marriage as well, but I have also seen the measure of happiness slowly but steadily rise in individuals. The sense of accomplishment, sense of self, self-esteem, pride and the overall measure of contentment in these singles is much higher than those in bound marriages.

Relationships (usually) tend to have a dependent and a supporter (the bread winner.) There is one party that needs or wants the other more than the second party- a soft and a strong, a meek and a powerful, a giver and a receiver. Marriages lasted longer in our grandparent’s era and before the woman’s rights movement not because men and women loved their spouses, but because each had a defined role. Each gender stuck to that role and being that there was always one (typically the female) who needed assurance of survival and comfort, that person would give into the opinions and wants of the other (usually the male.) Sure, one can choose to continue a marriage that is dead, depressed, heart broken, and longing and lonely and downright miserable and be miserable for the rest of their lives, and mourn the 25-50-75 year anniversary instead of celebrate it, but is that what humans- the evolution kings and queens -the ruler of this planet - are after?

A lot of times in these arranged marriages, the woman doesn't even know she has the option to leave the marriage or is so worried about what the world is going to think of her- financially broke- a female- a divorcee- that she continues to live in the marriage. Thus I rest my case about arranged marriages lasting longer than "love marriages" (Side note: The whole concept of a "Love marriage" even existing boggles my mind. Shouldn't there be LOVE in a MARRIAGE to begin with? Isn't that redundant?..apparently not to some people)

I have seen a lot of families go through life without ever knowing what it is like to be truly happy- to be happy on YOUR terms not your parents terms, not the cultures term, not the medias term and definitely not in societal terms. To be happy for yourself -to enjoy life and not get caught up living, stressing and grieving it.Americans have a concept of utopia and we refuse to accept and settle for any less. We have come to a point where people are learning to be independent regardless of gender. Breaking roles may be uncomfortable but it is educational. It is building ones self up to get to the next level- to utilize the ability and potential of a human being-is what we can do to celebrate life itself.

However, this concept is not a factor in these statistics.

So please forgive me while I laugh at the naïve little girl who tries to console herself by point out that "fact" and devoicing the very notion of human feelings and emotions by simply stating statistics, instead of standing up and taking her God-given- heck even LAW given rights as a woman.