Anger and frustration

I am afraid I have gotten myself stuck again...in a rut... I am to blame. I sat on the chair, willingly so, got a nice, long rope and started tying myself up feet first attached to the chair going all the way up to my face. I even gagged myself. All while I was alone in a room with only one way out. Once I was nice and stuck, snug- if you will, I remembered I am claustrophobic in such situations. Then I started struggling; gasping for air. Trying to scream or let out a whimper at least so someone passing by may hear me. I realized the room started closing in on me and I couldn't breathe. And all that shaking and rocking back-and-forth and jiggling wouldn't loosen up the grip of the rope, instead it just made it tighter. My lungs can't expand fully because of the double knot I tied just in case I decided I wanted out. So now starts the process of finding a knife and slowly but surely cutting off the rope from each limb one by one.

I know I've always refused to live like this- regressive ..or stagnant even. Why am I here then? Maybe there's a message that is hidden that I have not read into yet. Maybe it's all a plan- a divine plan that He Himself has conjoured up for me and I just haven't seen through it. In fact, He does not want me to see through it- just go through it with utmost and blind faith.

So that is exactly what I'll do. I'll go through it with utmost. and. blind. FAITH.