Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Anger and frustration

I am afraid I have gotten myself stuck again...in a rut... I am to blame. I sat on the chair, willingly so, got a nice, long rope and started tying myself up feet first attached to the chair going all the way up to my face. I even gagged myself. All while I was alone in a room with only one way out. Once I was nice and stuck, snug- if you will, I remembered I am claustrophobic in such situations. Then I started struggling; gasping for air. Trying to scream or let out a whimper at least so someone passing by may hear me. I realized the room started closing in on me and I couldn't breathe. And all that shaking and rocking back-and-forth and jiggling wouldn't loosen up the grip of the rope, instead it just made it tighter. My lungs can't expand fully because of the double knot I tied just in case I decided I wanted out. So now starts the process of finding a knife and slowly but surely cutting off the rope from each limb one by one.

I know I've always refused to live like this- regressive ..or stagnant even. Why am I here then? Maybe there's a message that is hidden that I have not read into yet. Maybe it's all a plan- a divine plan that He Himself has conjoured up for me and I just haven't seen through it. In fact, He does not want me to see through it- just go through it with utmost and blind faith.

So that is exactly what I'll do. I'll go through it with utmost. and. blind. FAITH.

4 comments:

Precious said...

Sometime i wish faith didn't have to be blind...

GoldenSoul said...

hah! Me too. But alas, you and I are stuck! >( (SO irritated right now! LOL)

Johnson Turlias said...

Sometimes one leap of faith is all we need to get thru layers of obstacles.....

GoldenSoul said...

That much is true J.T. We'll see how this goes... will keep you posted!