Ready for this to be done with

I’ve been in a funk again…. I am bored out of my mind. I cannot go to the gym for another week per doctors advice (yea, I’m one of the few that actually follows the doctors recommendations.) For a while, I thought maybe I was depressed. I had no energy. I’d have days that I was a raging insomniac, unable to do anything other than lay in bed and try to sleep because I was so dead tired. Other days I would not be able to get out of bed. I’d wake up because Arya would cry and I’d barely be able to let him out into the backyard so he could handle his business. Back into bed and I’d sleep for 15-17 hours a day. When I was up, I’d contemplate what to eat, putz around in the kitchen and then eventually go back to bed. This lasted for a good month or so. I finally thought enough is enough (not the song :-P) and forced myself to get out of bed and clean my house. That got me out of that funk. Now I’m at the stage where my house is clean, my puppy gets his walks and I do have some energy, but I am BORED. OUT. OF. MY. FUCKING. MIND. I only work 3 days a week (perks of 12 hour shifts) so 4 off days go by extremely slow especially when the gym is not an option. I took up cooking and I’ve learned it’s not something I LOVE. I do it out of boredom and soon get bored of that quickly as well. I know what you’re thinking “why don’t you do that list of gabazillion things you’ve listed time and again that’d you’d do if you had the time?” I’m on a mission to pay down my debt(and to do that, I need to either stay home OR get in some overtime- BUT census is low, so no OT for me :*( bah.) So this means I have to find things that don’t cost me much. Visiting the Amazon= $$$. I know starting Friday I’ll be okay being that I’ll be in the clear to gym it up. But for now, I can’t stop bitching. And you have to listen to it. :-P I also noticed I was becoming negative. Whenever I opened my mouth, it was either to chime in to agree with someone that was talking about negative things or I was just upset about something. Part of it was me and part of it was whom I chose to surround myself with. I realized there were a few people on facebook that just reading their status updates would get me hypertensive. I started thinking negatively in general. When I realized this, I deleted them off my list to reduce the headaches and bitching. What is helping me stay focused on the positives was the movie A Thousand Words. What if that had to happen to me? Would I bitch about things (esp. in a non-constructive way) and just talk to hear my voice? It’s still a struggle especially once I get started, and even when I realize I have succumbed into this vicious cycle again- It’s hard to stop. I don’t know why. Word vomit. Unpleasant, bitchy, mean, catty word vomit. This is not who I am. I’ve said time and again- I was the fun, crazy, silly carefree girl. I’m still struggling to find her and bring her back. I refuse to give up on her ;)