Random Randoms

Was tagged by Jace-Face I refuse to tag someone else and put 'em thru' the torture of what my dear friend Jace-Face has put me through- so here we go:

10 years ago

I was 19

was outgoing, popular, pretty and the lust of many men and at first, I was innocent.

Then I took advantage.

was very lonely.

Understood why boys were so nice to me and I took advantage

I made many lifepartners who still to this day have pieces of my heart. (However, I don't recognize these pieces anymore...just know that they are missing)

Popularity meshed up all my nights and days into one giant heap of fuckmylife. Mommys lil innocence was still sweet, still raging... just a lost soul

life goals were met- I was the center of this dying universe

5 years ago

I was 24

fulfilled the role of a great girlfriend- my perception- not his. His changed so very often and after 4 yrs of chasing a perception that was not mine... my moods could not keep up

Got lost in giving my then boyfriend everything I had and happily did so

was still very lonely...only found a mask called "my love" (which in itself was a lie..and it helped me cover up another lie ...and all was well in this world)

Realized I had no life goals and they therefore were never un-met. Just un-made.

Quickly and grudgingly confessed

Dove headfirst into 9 feet deep water knowing damn well I couldn't swim. But I learned.

Relearned how to crawl, walk and it helped me run just a lil faster... a lil more sure that my weak ankles, brittle bones and wobbly knees will hold me up! :)

Last year

Switched my life goals but was happy with it

I fell in love with academia ... not for the booze not for the sex not for the nights spent at bars and not for the freedom of fuckery. But solely for the freedom of academia.

Questions floated around my head: What the fuck did you just do?!?!

Immersed myself in books and love and poetry.

Realized I am not lonely... I love the peace and quiet of solitude

Still did not overcome procrastination (and as you can tell it still has not changed)

Loved myself ... swept myself off my own feet and it was the best I'd ever had... yet. I was content.

Yesterday

I fell in love with a martial artist.

realized I love sharing this solitude only with a select few and yet - I have to kick them out to relearn myself every now and then.

I laughed, stressed, felt silly, beautiful and I ached. I wanted to finally be home someday soon.

Wondered if I'll ever fulfill all my dreams especially with life always making its own demands and agenda on MY time...