Lonely

I don't fit in
this world
mama
Quilt me a quilt
to hide me
and All the
lonely people in
this world
that don't fit
in either...
(c) S.G.

I found this poem scribbled along next to the 2 poems I wrote in 2008 It looks like my writing... it seems so..alien though... so I hope I wasn't jotting down a famous poet haha! I tried to google to no avail...so here it is! :)

10:18

10:18
I am trying to read my book but I cannot stop thinking
10:18
I think about what went through your head ..thoughts like stray bullets
penetrate through your chest and as you cried out
no one listened.
10:18
Now my mind is like a whirlwind of emotions
It wont stop no matter how loud I turn on the music or how much i grind my teeth
or how hard i use the palm of my hands to press on my ears to
MAKE IT STOP!!!!!
10:18
The numbers keep ringing in my ear like a haunting chant that is consuming my life


Here i fucking go again... turning this into something about me.
10:18
My mind is like a whirlwind of emotions because you see
the same blade that cut through your veins are now severing mine
from my heart bleeding into my lungs and I'm drowning
in my own diluted blood
I am choking and as I gasp for air
my head barely above the water
drowning
in a sea of your tears
in a sea of your blood


Here i fucking go again... turning this into something about me.
You see I dread thinking about what you must have gone through that night
so I turn everything I write about every thing that I spew everything that comes out of my mouth.. into something about me.

10:18
The demons that haunted you must have been bigger than the love for your son
your son.. your sun... must have... gone down
and with the the dusk he took your soul
10:18
The demons that haunted you must have been louder than the shrieks of your children
louder than the hits of your husband
louder than the sermons and church bells
10:18
Your body has finally found peace
and it lay there ... so peaceful ... ur muscles..relaxed
your soul has been set free
10:18
As your free soul wanders this earth in the guise of an angel
you still are your childrens angel protecting us
from all the him's in this world from all the harms in this world
10:18
keeps going around in circles and in circles and it makes me dizzy
nauseous because the circles won't stop spinning like a rollercoaster ride gone wrong
its going faster and faster as days go by and 10:18 comes closer
10:18
I realize they weren't demons that took you away
it was a choir of Angels that He sent for you
You were hand picked by Him and a chariot was sent for you
A special plan laid out for you by Him
and
10:18
we should not mourn but celebrate your freedom

I write in fear...I write nonetheless...

In fear that... my nursing school friends are gonna kill me for spending time doing things OTHER than school related assignments
In fear that... ya'll might see a different side of me (yeah not one of the wild shrew poems lol)
In fear that...my sister is going ot jump to conclusions (haha looovetthhh ya!)

But ...enough with the disclaimers and confessions... here is one I just wrote ..raw..not revised (and I refuse to) ... so do read, comment and lemme quote Erykah Badu and say ...Keep in mind I'm an artist (ok far frm it) and I'm sensitive about mah shit! ...:-D

"Us..United"

I want


...to be your sweetness- it is all that I need
...to be your queen- is all I need to be pleased
...to be your wife, your boo, your love, my life
...to be the apple of your eye- your angel in disguise

...to feel secure in your presence-
and your absence too

And I want
...you to love me forever-
sweet, sensual and wild

...to be the Goddess
that will one day carry your child

I want
...you to know that I will always respect you
and support you in all that you do

...that your struggles will be our struggles
and your achievments ours too

...that our disagreements will
always lead to love-making

..and our love-making...well....

And I want
…you to know only One
will come before you

…that no matter what
we will always be together
to make
One heart,
One love,
One family

Just Us
...United.

Untitled

I have learned to eat with my mouth
but not be the voice of hope
I have learned to watch meaningless shows with my eyes
but not be the witness that bears a soul
I have learned to click the keys on my keyboard hour after hour
but not build for others- or for myself
I have learned to cuss up a storm and recite word for word
the songs that degrade young women and I have learned
to use my hands to shove food down my throat till my
gut begged me for mercy and I have learned to
waste away my life sitting on the couch
or masturbating to porn for countless hours

Wasting away my minutes, hours, days, years, life...

Then came the need
then came the need to be involved
to be involved in something greater than
myself- the need to be
so engrossed so lost so
deep that I forgot to feed my crying belly
to be in love, to love
to love what I am involved in
to love so much that it didn't matter anymore
that both my socks didn't match or
that I forgot that I had stuck 4 pencils in my unkempt hair
in my quest to find and contribute
i forgot that I was in public and that bad habit that I have-
of scratching my head when I'm concentrating- yeah, I was doing that again
to forget all that is around me and to forget
that it is cold and it is snowing and my
little fingers can no longer hold my pen
because they are numb and I hate the cold
I HATE the cold but it didn't matter because
I am involved and so is my body
because I am in love
because I have a cause
because I am a cause
because
I am.
- S.G

Impossible w‘Oman

She know what she want w‘Oman

A take no crap w‘Oman

The “I am not your mother, your sister, your babysitter” w‘Oman

A type that wants it all w‘Oman

Never be satisfied w‘Oman

stands up for what she believes in w‘Oman

give my heart, my soul, my body, my dome, my mind, my temple for my King w‘Oman

never comes second w‘Oman

The one that got away w‘Oman

The one that will never look back w‘Oman

The “damn she’d make a man happy” w‘oman

the “she gives her all …but damn it she expects the same thing back” w‘Oman

Will not settle for any lesser than I deserve w‘Oman

Queen w‘Oman

Beautiful w‘Oman

Passionate w‘Oman

Righteous w‘Oman

Lone. w‘Oman.

- c 2008 S. G.

Broken Wings

I am a good idea

                       a good intention

I am todays trash
                       your yesterdays gold
Broken wings
                with pieces missing
-------------------------------------------------------

While you were busy
loving me
I was busy
hating me

-------------------------------------------------------

Yesterday

I cried and cried

        and I had no reason why
Then I realized

               it was your birthday

By yours truly

This silly wifery
sittin' pretty with her canary
while her husbands out
continuing his fuckery.

----------------------------------------------------------

A Few Good Men
It isn't that
there aren't any good men remainin', darlin'
They are everywhere:
taking a walk in the park
shopping in the mall (yes, the same mall you buy your clothes from ,uh huh, believe that)
at church
in your
English Lit. class
at your local coffee shop

He may not wear
the finest clothes
or drive
the flashiest cars
He may not be able to turn your head
but he sho' gots your back

My problem, darlin'
is that there are WAAAYYYY too many good men
to pick only one from...

HAPPY NEW YEAR:)

The first post for the New Year calls for some original works of yours truly :-D (they're all copyrighted.. so don't be trynna steal nothin LOL)

Incandescence

Her beautiful hips be swaying as she walks down
that dirt road with baby on her back
Pot o’ water sitting jus right, embracing her curves
Walking those 4 miles, glistening with sweat
No woman looking so stimulating as she slowly wipes
the sweat off the sensual nape of her neck down to her chest

Babies eyes wandering watering the heats burning up
his skin dry, feet rough, hair nappy it ain't even begun
his life into slavery- big he shall become
She know she ain't never gon’ see him once he gone
Born as property, he shall open clenched fists from around his arms
He shall dare think he shall dare learn he shall dare hope he shall dare win.

Unknown to her though, she rises above this with soul that
runs through her veins, her blood, sweat and tears
Each heart beat sending more of that
SWAAAGG through her body
Giving her that curve, that arch, that supple but ripe tone
That distinguishes her that establishes her that elevates her

Earth tone she been earth loved she an earth child
Sun harsh on babies black face black thighs black tries
Honey molasses kisses she can conquer what never was
She ain’t never give up she ain't never break down
Quiet servant woman with the grace of a queen
You see, she is a queen- dignified, exemplified, GLORIFIED.

1/20/07
(c) S. G.

Subsistence of a woman

Dynamic
Out shining me,
you have no place in
This mans world
Loving so truly
Making me feel impotent
My emotions so dull
My love counterfeit

Radiant
Cover yourself up
Behind caked up makeup, silicone
Size 2, poison in your body
You-Too black, too big, too loud
Me the way I am- convenience
I rule this world
And you have work to do.

Intense
Resurrection of perception
picture perfect shell
Seductively submissive
Unseen Underneath
What lies beneath
mother, lover, friend?
No. WOMAN.

1/20/07
(c) S. G.

Some of my work....

I feel almost unworthy to put my work right after I posted works from such great artists like Maya Angelou and Langston Hughes... but none the less... heres a few from yours truly ;) (they're all copyrighted for real so don't be trynna steal em! lol)

Intimate Stranger

You sit there
judging every one
but too scared to
look in your own God damned mirror
Imperfect in your own perfect way
every scar on your smooth skin
every stubborn zit that won’t go away
the dark on your knee and the kink in your hair

Deeper
More imperfections
Love every
Single
One.

Rewrite history
Repaint your soul
Recreate creation
Replenish thirst

But no--
you are too scared
to look

in

your

own

GOD

DAMNED

MIRROR.

(c) Shirley G. 2/9/07

I AM

I am raw
rough around the edges
basics and foundation strong
nothin’ more nothin’ less

I hide my emotions
just as well as mother nature hides her wrath
in the storm or love in her womb or motherhood at its best
you see them on my face
reactions, love, tenderness, rage.

I am raw
rough and smooth at the same time
sure and unsure and so damn sure
all I know is I am confident in
my confidence in myself.

I am raw
rough but not aching to be smooth
Not me. Not I.
I am rough, raw and brutal.

Who Are You?

(c) Shirley G. 2/9/07

Ballad of the Prostitute

She sold her soul for what he liked
When he like shy she shy
When he like loud she loud
When he want down right nasty
She mold herself to fit the tasty
He wanted rough an’ rugged- difficult
--to achieve—a tie you down to make you mine
She wore masks to hide behind and she was
You can’t get me you can’t have me
You’ll have to rape me to take me.

He fancied it twice today
he wants a woman that can play
fit your role your role your role everyday
switch it and change it in a snap of a finger
and happily she filled them shoes to satisfy his hunger

The ballad of a prostitute you say?
ain’t you the one that went out
And got them Gucci shades
Because you saw the whointhewhatnot video?
or go to sunday school because that’s what good girls do?

Ain’t you the one who been on a diet
since you known you – been tryin’ to squeeze
Into that size 2 dress with a Barbie breast?
How many times you burn your head
to get that silky straight hair?

curlin’ iron, chemical peels, be the best
that watch, that house, that car, that intensity (not intimacy)
Don’t look down upon the ballad of the prostitute
You sold your soul for pleasure and affection
Each of us does for a different addiction

(c) Shirley G.2.9.2007

They went home....Remembering.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

They Went Home

They went home and told their wives,

that never once in all their lives,

had known a girl like me,

But... They went home.

They said my house was lickin clean,

no word I spoke was ever mean,

I had an air of mystery,

But...They went home.

My praises were on all men's lips

they like my smile, my wit, my hips,

they'd spend one night or two or three

But...

-Maya Angelou

Remembering

Soft grey ghosts crawl up my sleeve

to peer into my eyes

While I within deny their threats

and answer them with lies.

Mushlike memories perform

a ritual on my lips

I lie in stolid hoplesness

and they lay my soul in strips.

-Maya Angelou

---------------------------------------------------------

Exams are finally done and over with. It seemed to pass by in slow motion, but they're done. Finally. As soon as I got done with my last exam, I raced to the library, got myself a good book of poems and started reading. I missed reading to be inspired- so I read until my poor eyes begged me for mercy (at which point I got on here and started typing away, but shush!) :-P I read a few poems by Maya Angelou and I posted the 2 that really called out to me. Sadly, I couldn't spend more time dissecting more of her poems and didn't feel it would do them or me justice to slap some on here without true familiarity.

I had a friend read this poem. I figured it'd be interesting to see the reaction of "a guy's guy" to the works of this amazing being. He said it was a very beautiful poem, but the poet comes off too smug. Like there was nothing wrong with her she was perfect yet men didn't want to be with her. He said "For sure, there has to be something wrong with her- if there wasn't and she was, in fact, so perfect and amazing, why would she be manless?" Hmm. Interesting.

Meanwhile, I explained why the poem called out to me so much- a woman, no matter her caliber- will always have something "wrong" with her if she's single. It isn't about being smug or cocky or even full of one's self- Sometimes women just find the wrong guys (or the wrong guys somehow manage to talk a woman into being a complete buffoon). Once the relationship- whatever its nature, is exhausted, word vomit spews "Can we still be friends?..." You can take that and shove it up you know where.

Let me deviate, for a second here, and analyze the simple, yet complex statement often blurted out by males and females to lighten up a breakup. "Let's just be friends." What this statement really is saying is: While you generally are a good person, you're not good enough. You're not special enough. You just don't do it for me anymore. Or as Miranda Hobbes from Sex In the City once said "I'm just not that into you." Why is it so hard for someone to come right out and say it? Hey, Sorry I wasted your time, but- I've realized I'm just not that into you anymore. In which case, you don't need to be friends. What exactly is this sentence/ question supposed to do? Make a person feel better? Take the pressure off of the person? Make the person feel a little more dignified? Make them feel like they are just a little more in control? "Hey, you suck, but here's a consolation prize- you get to remain friends with me ;-) ..." Hmm thanks, I'll pass.

The second poem I love. It captures the past and the present and the future. I realized I can't really let past experiences bitter me up- lest they lay my soul in strips. =)

------------------------------------------------------------

I'm really going to miss the semester. I don't know what to do with myself this month. I mean, I have a few chores to do, a tiny plan that needs to get put into action- which is all going to happen. But I'm going to miss the stresses of school. (Yes, I'm a nutjob :-P I know) I am going to miss my Chemistry class the most :) I made such amazing friends through Chem- I look forward to next semester already! Meanwhile, in the present :-P I know I'm going to frantically read all the poems I possibly can and try to write a little more as well. So keep on reading! :)

---------------------------------

Needs no introduction... Just read.

Still I Rise

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops.

Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don't you take it awful hard

'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines

Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?

Does it come as a surprise

That I dance like I've got diamonds

At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame

I rise

Up from a past that's rooted in pain

I rise

I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise

I rise

I rise.

-Maya Angelou

----------------

And I am quenched.

"A letter from Mother Earth"

She wrote to me today...
"Have you ever felt
like a piece of meat on display
in a meat market?
Just above the reach of hungry dogs
so close that
you can feel the heat of their bark
the stench of their breath?

All they want is a piece...
a nice chunk of your soul

Have you ever felt
like a piece of meat
being undressed and fucked
with one single degrading look?
Being raped by every version of imaginable
and unimaginable nasty being?
Being raped of your dignity,
respect- your worth, your wealth?

Left crippled and barren
with a womb that is capable
of only giving birth to stillborns

...All that is left is the carcass
of what once used to be my soul"

-Shirley Gadde.

She beat me to it....

She described me before I could even think of it....

"I am a moody woman
my temper black as my brows
as sharp as my nails
as impartial as a flood
that is seeking, seeking, seeking
always
somewhere to stop...."

-Alice Walker