A recent magazine article stated that studies suggested that most men liked curves on their women. If most men like curves on women, why is it that a skinny woman is the envy of all women? Why is it that every magazine’s selling article has something to do with losing weight, dropping pounds, looking good for him- even main stream porn stars the emaciated, blonde running around losing the little self respect and dignity she had? Why is the “skinny, tall, blonde” the object of desire of so many men? And why is the “skinny blonde” still considered the ‘mainstream’?
Curvy women want to be rail thin. Rail thin women would kill to have curves. For generations women have done unimaginable things to themselves so that they are portrayed as the ‘desired.’ Women love to feel wanted. My question is, by whom? If it is by men, it certainly isn’t the men that magazines talk about! Is it that we are our own destruction? That we are our own enemy? Is it that we, in our minds, convince ourselves that men want what we are NOT… that the message has turned from “You can be anything you want” to “You have to be everything he wants”…We have willingly renounced the power of defining beauty by handing it to someone else, leaving ourselves feeling unworthy.
The very magazine that tries to convince me that men do want curvy women 4 pages later tells me how to get rid of unpleasant cellulite and unwanted ‘blubber’. Two pages further, it tells me how to lose the extra weight and how to look amazing…for him. Or how to treat him right in bed. Then another article in the same magazine proselytizes that I should look good for myself. Flip over to another page, and they show me how to look glamorous and rested even if I only had 2 hours of sleep. Whatever happened to dressing up to what fits me? Whatever happened to doing what worked best for me; what I liked and what I felt confident and comfortable in?
I have a Brazilian friend who dated a guy who loves ivory skinned red heads… (she's not ivory skinned, nor a red head, incase the 'Brazilian' part didn't give that one way) despite my opinion- that he is most probably with her temporarily because she’s a landmark for his sexcapades- she dated him. Two months later, he dumped her (for a plump, but ivory skinned red head.) They (plumpy and ex-dude) are married now. Another friend is still dating a guy who drools at any girl that happens to walk past him. Both these girls have a scarred self-esteem. These actions of significant others are the very actions and articles that tell us that we are inadequate. Right? Wrong.
Now, just bare with me here, does this not seem like a personal problem? The way I see it, if someone tells you directly, or indirectly that you are not adequate- leave. You already are everything you want, or at least are in the process of achieving it. What he wants, should be secondary- complimentary. Just like what you want is secondary to what he is. Shouldn’t a significant other be there for you for mental, emotional and spiritual support? The physical part should already be defined- it’s not like you lied to him when you first started dating- if he started dating a black girl, you didn’t flip the script and turn out to be white! Know your body; love it the way it is. If he doesn’t, someone else will. Why do women continue to date men who don’t appreciate them and accept their depreciating value day after day?
Women have the power of defining beauty. Unfortunately, we often hand this power over to someone else. So yes, you can always count on magazines, men, women and the media to make you feel incompetent and inadequate. The least you can do is take YOURSELF off that list.
